I started this piece a couple of months of ago, when my cat of nearly 19 years, Giada, more affectionately known as “G”, or even G-dog, began to decline after a pretty darn long healthy life…..

Well, yesterday, I had to let go and say goodbye. I struggled with whether it was the right time….the decision is always daunting. After spending all day in the back yard with you and after making an appointment with the vet, which I even considered cancelling because you really seemed to be enjoying your day and getting along pretty well, but by the end of the day you were tired. You even went so far as to crawl into your carrier, a phenomenon that has happened before with Brady when she was ready, and your visit a couple months ago to the vet. The signs were there and I had to let go of my own selfishness in wanting you to stay here with me.

“As I sit here next to my aging, ailing cat, Giada, I am reminded of many trials and triumphs of my own life. Struggles, while minor compared to most, are always difficult in the moment…..

Giada is almost 19. I have had her since she was a kitten…she was three months old when I brought her home. She was originally an indoor cat and then by my life choices, she became an indoor/outdoor cat and shortly after that she preferred to be outdoors. Hmm go figure. In the past 5 or so years, she has again become a solely indoor cat….and I actually have to take her outside to get on the grass and get some fresh air every now and then. I live in a fairly safe neighborhood, but we have a fair share of racoons, and the occasional coyote, which we did lose another cat to several years ago. There was a brief period about 10 years ago where I thought I had lost her, because she was gone for several weeks. To my surprise, she showed up one day and had what appeared to be a shaved spot on her neck which looked to be some kind of surgical site and I still to this day don’t know who took her to the vet or even what she went through. I did have elderly neighbors next door and she used to come up from out of their side yard frequently, so I assume it was them. I never took the opportunity to find out and properly thank them and they are both gone now. I was too busy with my own life I guess. I am grateful for the kindness of whatever stranger took the time and money to take care of her.

She’s always been a talkative cat, which I have always been told is common with Calicos, and she indeed is! I fell in love with her when I saw her in the pet store as a tiny kitten and took her home to my apartment where I was living after separating from my ex-husband just a month or so before. I remember her running around like a mad kitty at night while I was trying to sleep. I used to get frustrated with her, because I had work in the morning. What I wouldn’t give for that kitty energy again.

She has been a really good cat in hindsight. As I sat with her last night and petted her after her first bladder control/release on the pillow next to me, I told her how grateful I am for what a good cat she has been to me. She is my first (and only) pet that I personally (not a “family” pet, per say) picked out and brought home. I am grateful she’s been pretty darn healthy her whole life and required very little “extra” care from me. She ate kibbles her whole life (which I know isn’t the healthiest option – but it is what I could afford at the time). Just this past few years I added greenies (which of course now I find out isn’t great either – you would think I would know better) and just this past 6-8 months started introducing wet. In her earlier years, wet food seemed too rich for her because it seemed to upset her stomach. She never returned to the Vet after her initial visit as a kitten for initial vaccinations and to get fixed – until this recent decline, and I suppose the one time she returned home after missing for several weeks.

The decline began when she stopped using her litter box, BUT she was using my shower, which was the most convenient for me to clean up. Thank you G. She then migrated to a kitchen rug, which I was quickly able to resolve by providing pee pads. She adapted almost immediately. Thank you G. I then spotted blood in her urine and I took her to the vet, urinalysis confirmed no infection, but we attempted a round of antibiotics, mainly because the other two probable diagnoses were stones or cancer. Interestingly, she stopped bleeding after just two doses of the antibiotic. After she finished the course, she then started occasionally spotting again. Because she isn’t showing signs of pain and I’ve come to accept if it is stones, I would never attempt to put an almost 19 year old cat (92 in cat years) through surgery and if it’s cancer, well at this point, I just want to make her comfortable. Which is what her care has become completely about. Making beds and potty places all over the house. Last night after she released on my pillow, I placed her on a towel, and she totally gets that where I want her to be. Thank you G.

She’s seeking more gentle pets, more affection. I know the end is getting near. I hate that I have to figure out when is the right time. I keep telling her it’s okay to go to sleep. I pray that is how it will be. Thank you G for being a Warrior. Thank you for keeping me company in all of my lonely times. Thank you for being patient with ALL of the other animals you have had to endure in your almost 19 years. Thank you for knowing what I need. I love you G.”

Your transition was peaceful and I was with you until the this life left your body. The vet said you were purring on the way. Purring? Humming? Hmmm.

And now that you are no longer physically here, I still feel you. The night you left the material world, I was crying and then had a sense that you were with me. I’ve cleaned up and put away all the beds and spaces I created for you as you began your transition, the only thing I left of yours was your water…..and in the midst of my crying, and then embracing you next to me….I heard the water “glunk” as it does when someone is drinking from it. Both dogs were sound asleep. Thanks for the reassurance and comfort. I will always love you Giada.

Your human mama ❤