I attended church recently for the first time in a very long time. Maybe 2, might be 3 years. But I felt the need to go, so I did. My Pastor smiled and said Cindy!…right? I laughed and admitted yes, it’s been some time. It was a comfort to be welcomed back and remembered. I’ve been a member of the church for over a decade, after finally finding this church after many years of searching for the right fit. Admittedly, my attendance has always been intermittent and as of late, almost nil. I love the casual attitude of congregation, it’s not a super huge group and we have the little ones and the elders being wheeled in by their loved ones. We have every race, every ethnicity, and even a lesbian couple that sits freely, but politely, displaying their affection. I found this church after attending a couple of events here and it always felt welcoming and comfortable. The church itself, is a BEAUTIFUL old traditional church with the beauty of stained glass, arches and pews….which I have always been fond of and comforted by. It just FEELS like church, to me.

I was baptized Catholic as a baby and was raised Christian. My mother was raised Catholic but by her adult life her relationship with religion was disengaged, maybe somewhat alienated. I was aware. We attended occasional catholic services with my cousins, which I sat restlessly through, but still hold fond memories of. As a young child I remember riding the bus to Sunday school at a Baptist church. Very limited but fond memories. Later I remember my mother dragging (thank you mom) us to different churches while she was trying to find her fit. In the end, her fit was agnostic….and that has shifted in her later years into a much more open minded spirituality. I think we stopped attending regularly before I was out of elementary school. As a young adult, wife and mother, I took my kids to a large christian church on an off for a few years, but never really felt “connected” and at home. I was ultimately turned off when attending a funeral service or maybe during the holidays, the pastor was talking about tithings and donations and they were focused on upgrading their sound equipment, and it was at a time when I was becoming aware of all the distress, hunger and need in the world. Later on after a divorce and my kids growing up and leaving home, I was seeking a church to attend and in all honesty I think it had something to do with thinking of my own demise and where I would want my funeral or service to be held. Who would speak of me? What church would my service be held at? Just some rando? In hindsight, shallow and irrelevant.

So where I find myself with my “religion” today is what Bob Marley sang about. Love. Kindness. Peace. Oneness. Humanity. Live your life as you choose. Do No harm to others or the planet and all of its inhabitants. Leave each place a better place than you find it. Make others feel special. Help one another. If there’s something you don’t like about someone or a situation, get a mirror and look deep in yourself and find what it REALLY is that bothers you. And then choose to do better. My “church” as of late has been more of a connection. It is now definitely more frequently than weekly, and it has moments of being a much deeper feeling of connection and inspiration. A connection with nature. With the Sun. With the Moon. With the Stars. The Cosmos and all of the collective consciousness that abounds and connects Us. And with the Creator of it all…..

I will forever hold my “physical” church in the depths of my heart, and grateful that I am always welcomed back with open arms. But my real church lives inside of me. This is my religion.

Namaste, Cindy