Day one of my detox cleanse and yesterday, before I even officially started, I had a headache all day. I took an Aleve and a Benedryl last nite after nothing else alleviated my headache, and I woke up feeling fine. However, a few hours into my day it is creeping back and I assume it’s because I have been cutting out sugar. If that is the case, WOW, I need this. It’s a nagging one, making me irritable and impatient. I’m hungry and I keep thinking about food. But, I am also thinking of David Goggins (Can’t Hurt Me and Never Finished), Michael Easter (The Comfort Crisis) AND people who don’t have food. “Suck it up”, I say to myself. You CAN do this, and the discomfort is temporary. Everything passes and changes. This will too. I have done this cleanse a few times before and always feel great when it’s done.

Headed out shortly for my meet-up with the retreat group. I don’t feel like going anywhere. But I am. I’m cold and can’t stay warm. Suck it up. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. I am supposed to have a vision board, but I don’t. I have visions everywhere. In my writings, on my bulletin board, on my computer. I am writing, I am in a job I love, I am not looking for ‘love’, I love my friends, I love my home, I have a supportive family, I am going to Italy with my girls this summer, I have taken the month of November off for the past three years to spend it with my family and spend time on my brothers ranch, I am painting more, and even sold (professionally) my first painting last year. I’m working on my transformational coaching/master instructor certification. So what I am putting down as my goals: get my certification done this year, obtain some breathwork/yoga clients, continue painting and writing, getting my sales more stable at work, stay in a healthier lifestyle, master my music mixing and voice over, and get my household expenses reduced.

During our group meet up, I was asked “what is your addiction?” I said coffee. Not so bad apparently. Am I addicted to sugar? I can give it up, but it might have been giving me that headache while abstaining. Social media? Maybe. That dopamine hit. Likes. Is it TV? I can go to sleep without it, but prefer it on. The News? I like to know what’s going on in the world. Pondering, what addiction(s) do I need to better manage? What is my intention? What do I want to release? First off to get back on track to healthier living. Two, stop giving a F&%k about what other people think. Say and do what I FEEL and WANT regardless of how “weird” or “fringe” someone might think I am. WHY do I care?

So where does my trauma come from. Most of the time, I feel like I don’t have any. But we all do. So finding it. But, do I want to? Pops got up this morning, I said “good morning”. His reply? “Good morning….m-o-u-r-n-i-n-g”…I said why? he said why not. That’s who I live with. I try very hard not to let it affect me. It does….and it makes me wonder how much of his “negativity” is imbedded in me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my father and I am grateful for ALL he has done and continues to do for me. But it’s a constant effort to not get sucked into his critical, negative talk/conversations (usually politics or the latest news). When I told him about the young NFL player that dropped on the field, being carted him off and the suspension of the game, his response was “oh well”. I was a bit floored. He has made random comments over the years, and I specifically remember one when I was a kid riding in the back of the car and I often wonder how much I overheard, and don’t remember. But still, if that is the extent of my trauma….again, SUCK IT UP. I survived divorce, a foreclosure and a bankruptcy, pretty much on my own, and it made me stronger, wiser and more resilient. Negativity surrounds us, so staying in my heart and reigniting my fire is a daily necessity.

Day four and the end of my cleanse, I felt a shift, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I feel lighter. I feel clearer. I feel inspired. Over the course of my weekend, spent with a beautiful group of like-minded souls, all on their own healing journeys, I have been once again, ignited and inspired. Some of my favorite takeaways….

• The science, which is always one of my favorite components. The body breaks down your food intake, taking in nutrients and sending them where they are most needed. The preservatives, pesticides, chemicals that your cells don’t recognize get stored in body tissues because the body doesn’t know what to do with them and then your blood/lymph typically sends them out away from your vital organs to extremities causing inflammation, resulting in achey joints (arthritis, or the like), skin rashes (eczema, etc), possibly the first sign of disease. Translated from dis – ease. This is your body talking to you.

• Breakfast means you’re breaking your fast. Eating your last meal of the day so that you are finished at least 2 hours prior to going to bed. Your body is either digesting or repairing when you sleep….mind when and what you eat.

• Mindful eating. My first solid food in 4 days. Felt myself salivating when I picked up and gazed at my avocado. Cut and peeled it, slowly, and felt the salivation increase. Every bite was savored and it tasted incredible. I am satisfied. But, I notice my habitual instinct is “what can I snack on”. I proudly abstained. My snacks are usually pretty healthy options, but admittedly overdone.

• Coffee enemas and honey in the eyes are extremely cleansing and therapeutic.

• Listening is a powerful learning tool.

I feel more energized and empowered. I am starting up at my old yoga studio, eventually teaching again and introducing my beautiful breath work/meditations. I feel more acceptance, FIRST, of myself. I have a Rick Rubin clip on my social media that is my constant reminder to be true to me. Honor my authenticity, and release the expectation of everybody liking my offering. They will come when they are ready. Learn to accept and embrace everyone in their own space.

Do not offer, let them ask. Let it shine through me.