I’m sure we have all heard of and probably experienced what is known as the “imposter syndrome”. That nagging, negative voice inside our own heads. The questioning of one’s own abilities even if we have been trained extensively or even practicing for many years. I know that I often find myself in the middle of a facial – noticing my clients expression as they relax to receive a treatment. Are their eyebrows furrowed….are they smiling….or frowning? Am I feeling tension in their face? When guiding yoga and breathwork classes….often thinking….am I going too hard? Not hard enough? Am I talking too much….or not giving enough guidance? – am offering enough? Am I giving all I can give? Can I do more? That voice rarely shuts up and the internal dialogue is a constant challenge/battle. And sometimes, she’s just downright mean.

As a recently (last year) certified Transformational Coach, I constantly battle the “imposter syndrome”. While I have been knee deep in the health and wellness industry for well over a decade, I am still (always) on a constant path of learning, research and re-adjustments to my OWN wellness practices and protocols for my own healing and management of an autoimmune diagnosis I received in 2017. I’m pleased and grateful to say my progression/diagnosis has been completely halted for the past 4 years after being told I was going to end up in a wheelchair in 10 years. It can feel frustrating, limiting and restricting at times. While nearly all of my original symptoms have subsided, I still get flare-ups with eczema (when I am too far off track) and on and off joint pain/inflammation. The healthier choices I make, the better I feel. My body (or maybe it’s my mind, likely both) has become hypersensitive to long strays from my healthy protocols. I regularly refrain from certain things, mainly to confirm that I am indeed feeling the effects of their purpose. And my body always confirms.

When I am indeed aligned….I feel better. But I am human, I am a social being, I enjoy the occasional drink, the creative effects of cannabis on my mind, I love a good gelato or scone, I’m a snacker, I can get physically lazy and I have that voice in my head always challenging me. My alter ego, I suppose, who can be self deprecating, insecure, judgemental, stubborn…all the things I try to stuff away. I recently named her Rose because I learned it’s a better way to “manage” her. Roses’ name was conceived after a battle of the mind one night when I wanted a scone late in the evening, way past when I know I should be eating before bed, let alone sugar. When I opened the fridge – there it was. My first thought was “ohhh yum, I want that” (Rose)….”but you know it’s going to affect your sleep” (Cindy)…”I don’t care…I want it” (Rose)…..”sugar affects your sleep and eating this late disrupts healthy digestion” (Cindy)…..”I want it and I can do what I want” (Rose)…..and Rose took it and ate every last bite. Cindy watched in horror. lol. And that’s when her name was conceived. I love the name, it’s a beautiful name, a beautiful flower and one of my favorite scents. I gave her the name solely because of the scone…..it was a ROSE scone. But I also came to the realization, that even though that voice is “negative” in my head, that other persona that I can totally become if I allow (or choose to), she needs compassion, understanding, love and healing. But she is also a force, and has strength qualities that I sometimes lack. So the path…. is integrating the strengths….and allowing the weaknesses to fall away.

Wellness is a lifelong journey. All the things I know I should be doing…..are being done on the regular. All the things I know AREN’T so great for me are a part of the human experience. Changing how I manage them and process them makes a difference in how my body reacts to them because every thought and every action creates a chemical reaction in the body. The journey TO wellness only ends……the journey INTO and THROUGH wellness ends in a healthier happier life.

Are you feeling the call to harness your inner power to healing, growth or transformation? Please feel free to reach out! This journey for me started as solely self-healing and me not even wanting to be a teacher. My yoga mentor taught me and I have learned that sharing my successes is a continuous part of the healing path and helping others feeds my soul.

Namaste, friends